one year ago

One year ago today we were driving home from the hospital. We had just finished up the (hands down) worst 48 hours of my life. Riding in the ambulance that day was horrible. I had no idea what was going on or what was going to happen.

I remember the whole thing all too clearly.

I remember holding her (still) seizing little body until her little lungs had gotten too tired to keep working.

I remember laying her down so they could breath for her.

I remember holding my hands under her shoulders, cradling her head and telling her to "take big girl breaths for mommy."

I remember them cutting of the bright pink shirt she'd been wearing all day.

I remember trying to figure out how I would tell her daddy (in Iraq at the time) that she hadn't made it. All the while, praying that God would spare her.

I remember trying to compose myself for my little girl, but in complete panic on the inside.

I remember being so glad to see her bright blue eyes open again and the smallest of smiles on her face.

I'm so glad that we've come so far. Our gorgeous girl turned two in January and has been doing very well. We still struggle with fits, (my) fear, and breath-holding. We take each day as it comes and thank the Lord for every one of them. I love this girl and cannot wait to see the plans that God has in store for her.